I wonder how many times a day those words are sent into the universe. I said them myself today and it made me think of all of who are currently on bed rest.
Though not on bed rest myself, in the last twenty-four hours my life has been completely disrupted and I've been somewhat stranded and left wondering why my life turned as it did.
I was involved in a car accident yesterday and though luckily no one was hurt, the car will be in the shop for a while.
While I realize this is in no way a close parallel to the feeling of isolation and disconnection you feel while on bed rest, it does provide some lessons for me at least.
We don't even recognize the extent to which we settle into and depend on our routines--or the ability to spontaneously decide to go for groceries or coffee or to the pool--until they're altered.
And then, even when there's a bright side to the situation--no one was injured in the accident in my case and your illumination might be that you are aiding your body in the process of incubating new life--it can be hard to keep the bright side in front of your mind.
Even as little bursts of good luck accompany the bad, I can't shake the dread I feel, the weightiness of what might have happened if...
For example, my in-laws are lending us an old car they had in the garage and I think, how lucky is that? I mean, really lucky. And then I find out that the air-conditioning in it is broken. Ugh, do you know hot it is in Pittsburgh? And I wonder what that's all about--my being forced to sweat my ass off as I run errands and live my life on top of everything else. All I can figure is that there is some lesson I haven't learned yet--something to be revealed from my sweat glands and pores gaping wide, sending forth moisture and odor. There's a lesson there, beyond the obvious, I'm sure.
There are very few people in the world who actually say, "There is nothing in the world worse than what I'm going through." And I try very hard to remember that. Sometimes it doesn't matter what other people are experiencing if your pain is great enough. And we all get through the rough times using different tools.
For now, I can look at my situation and know it's nothing compared to what mothers with children who are ill are going through, or those of you worrying about your pregnancy, any number of things compared to my relatively minor distruptions are really and truly problems.
But, my problem at hand does the job of making me remember how hard it is to be on bed rest, to not know when life will be normal again, or even remember what it felt like to have a normal existence.
So, here's to all you mothers on bed rest. I'm thinking of you from afar.
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2 comments:
It is hard not to feel as though we are suffering when we are inconvenienced in small ways, even when many others in the world have it so much worse. All of us have a core of selfishness that cries out 'Why me?' even though we are surrounded by people who might envy our small troubles.
On the other hand, few of us demand 'Why me?' when we've gotten a windfall. Funny, isn't it?
When I was stuck in bed (during one of the worst summers in recorded history, and we had no air- conditioning in our house, so I do sympathize with you in your unairconditioned car!), I said 'Why me?' quite a bit, I am afraid, and frequently had to remind myself that I had it pretty good. But I didn't really want anyone else telling me that...
Hey Mary,
thanks for the empathy! It is true we don't usually explore the other side of why me--the side that comes with the good times. But I do realize it's nothing compared to real hardships. It's good to get some perspective. Your house sounds very hot!
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